I had the worst birthday blues in my 22 going to 23 years of my life. 3 weeks before my birthday I questioning all that I have done when I turned 22 but it all boiled down to me hating myself for not having done a ton of things.
I had a lot of cancelled plans. Plans I had to cancel to make up for responsibilities I had to take on. Although, they were for a good cause, I still hated myself. I had this thought in my head that by a certain age, I would have and be certain things. But at the age of 23, I’m not even close.
Everything was pretty much downhill. I felt like everyone was hard on me. All I wanted was to drink and not be sober. So I did what any early 20s girl would do, get my friends out to party and drink with me.
I badly didn’t want to be sober.
And I was drinking my heart out as I sip my nth glass of whiskey, I receive this email.
It’s 4 months till you turn 23.
You’ve been 23 for almost 24 hours now. Congrats on making it! I know I wrote you already a previous letter but at the moment I am at work I cannot be happier with our career.
I hope by the time you read this, you love yourself more than I do know. I also hope that you have learned a lot from our really early quarter life crisis and our existential life crisis. I know life’s a bitch but I can see us conquering this.
You are 23. 23 years of living, breathing, burning, falling, crumbling, dying, rising and soaring.
I hope you have fallen in love, the real and good kind. But if not, never stop believing in it. I know you really shouldn’t listen to me now coz I am fucked up at the moment but there are a lot of mediocre things in the world and love isn’t one of them. Never lose hope my dear one. Love is a fragile thing and we are sometimes not its best caretakers.
I know you are the hardest person on yourself. You don’t take credit for the things you’ve done and despite successes, you still question if what you are doing is enough.
It’s okay. You’ll be fine.
Joanna of Aug 9 2016
And I was sure that I was going to be okay. 2016 might have been a pretty difficult year for me in all aspects of my life, I made it and that means something.
FutureMe.Org is a free website where you can send yourself an email in the future.